Are you in a relationship with someone who does not think the same way you, or isn’t supporting your goals and your dreams?
I hear this often with clients as they start to get into mindset work. As we are working together, they’re getting clear on their vision and they’re asking the powerful question “What would I love?” they start to think more positively, live in gratitude, and things start to open up for them. What tends to happen is they look at their spouse or their significant other who’s not inside of this work, and they’re struggling with “how do I be in this relationship with this person who isn’t thinking the same I am? Who isn’t supporting my goals and my dreams? And what if I grow and I start to expand my life, and I leave them behind?”
If any of that resonates with you, I want to give you a couple of powerful tools to help you be in relationship AND grow your dreams, live into your true purpose and passion, without leaving that person behind.
I remember a client coming to me who was really struggling inside of her relationship, and as we started to work on her vision and what it is that she would love, I asked her, “How would the woman in your vision show up today, if you were in that relationship of your dreams? And her husband in that moment happened to be mowing the lawn, and she was looking at him outside of her window, and she said “Well, I’d probably be giving gratitude that he was doing that right now, instead of being resentful and bitter and upset about these other things. I’d be looking out the window right now with gratitude.” And she started to shift her mindset where she started to look for what was going right in the relationship, what she appreciated about her spouse, the things that he did support her with.
In a very short period of time, that relationship started to change. It started to grow and deepen, and their connection was so much stronger, not because anything outside of her changed, but because she changed.
It’s so easy to look for what’s not going right. To see where we’re not being supported. And to forget how much we care about our partner. Looking for what’s going right is the first principle in really living with somebody who doesn’t support your dreams and your goals right now. Accentuating the positive – what can you be grateful for in that relationship? Where DO they support you? Where have they supported you in the past? Start putting your attention on what’s going right, and when we put our attention on what’s going right, we start to create more of that.
Have you ever bought a new car, or a new to you car, and pretty soon all you’re seeing on the street is that make of car, that model of car, that color of car? The reason for that is we have this little part of our brain called the reticular activating system that’s showing us what we’re interested in.
The more interested you are in what’s going right in that relationship, the more right you’ll see. So what can you be grateful for in the relationship? What are the positive points of that relationship? Start putting your attention there.
Secondly, the best thing we can do to support the people around us is to be our best selves. So when a client comes to me and says, “I’m afraid i’m going to grow and leave this person behind.” You want to ask yourself, are you really prepared to sacrifice your passion, your goals for other people? Or, by living your best self, by living into your dreams and your possibilities, what if the people around you actually rose up to meet that? The best thing you can do for anybody around you is to live your best life. Pursue your dreams. Work on your mindset. Learning to live in gratitude.
Many times what happens is when we do our own work, the people around us start rising to meet us there. They’re looking at how happy you are, the great things that are happening for you, and they say “I want what you’re having!” and they start to get curious.
We can’t change anybody. When they’re ready, they’ll put that step forward. But in the meantime, live your best life and look and watch what happens to the people around you.
Here’s to you living a life you love,